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Posts Tagged ‘tolerance’

puzzle1

The picture above is what most people believe in. The belief is that there is someone for everyone or the concept of having a “soul mate”. I do not agree nor understand this concept. There are couples that have been together 30 plus years and counting. Society admires and even find the visual of these couples endearing. Whenever I come across a couple that has been together for a quarter of a century, I always ask – how do you make it last. I get a variation of answers. The big three are: communication, “she is always right” and tolerance. The idea of “she is always right” equates to being a yes man with no opinion or say so. This is not me and I do not recommend it. It says that you are willing to diminish your values in order to make someone else happy. The only time I will abide by a similar policy is for my children. With my children, I will sacrifice my happiness for theirs in a blink of an eye.  I do believe in the other two – communication and tolerance. Communication is vital and tolerance is a part of understanding. This post is about recognizing the part of tolerance.

Tolerance can sound negative. To me, it is part of understanding and dealing with the truth in a relationship. It is being honest about certain aspects, personalities, hobbies, or habits with your partner and accepting them. Examples are warranted…

You tolerate the fact that your partner has a child with another.

You tolerate a vice or bad habit.

You can also tolerate a partner’s bad temper or mood swings.

We tolerate due to love or due to the positive qualities that make the relationship one worth being in. Whether it be the feeling of being cared for, loved, admired or even the sex – a relationship is worth it if the good outweigh the bad. This is why tolerance is important.

I believe that there is no such thing as the perfect puzzle piece to match yours. There is not a perfect person that you meet, marry and grow old with. There are always gaps that you must fill with glue (tolerance).

Puzzle2

This picture displays the fit of most relationships. These are by far perfect pieces. The yellow represents the amount of glue (tolerance) that is needed to keep the relationship going. Some bad habits are too much or some personalities are too complex and do not mesh well. Many relationships are like these pieces in that so much is tolerated in order to keep the love going. We fear being alone and therefore, we learn to live with the situation.

It always takes more than love. It takes a median in tolerance and understanding the levels or values of each.

Puzzle3

This picture shows a moderate amount of faults. It’s about finding the person that fits you the most, not the perfect fit. You use as little glue as possible. You understand each other’s demeanor and habits. You know that a bad temper can be tolerated or better yet – something that you learn how to ease. These pieces represent couples that know how to fix each other and make each other better. The tolerance becomes a game where goals are created and achieved. You help him or her overcome their bad habits or you succeed together versus underachieving in your professional careers.

Love and relationships are the most complicated topics in life. All I can offer are my two cents based on my experiences.

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