Archive for the ‘Retro Muse’ Category

Let’s Get Crackin!


“I believe that suffering is a part of life. Without it, you have no life. It takes a strong person to overcome life’s obstacles which include the feelings of hurt and pain. I am a strong man and i know that i am a good man. I am a Prince and even a King in my own mind and heart. Not arrogant, just confident. Confidence and honesty is what i am about”

Ever since I left Paterson, I’ve preached the concept of struggle. In many ways, it’s what makes me who I am. When you go through emotional and financial hard times, it instills certain virtues in you. Some of these being the idea of hard work and never giving up. This is also what distinguishes those that are still in the streets and those that are trying to make something of themselves. One of the main themes is to learn from your own and others mistakes. I’ve been around some individuals growing up that made me decide that this is not how I want to be. The things that I’ve seen and been through would make a good book some day. A thriller novel, lol. All in all, I remain confident in who I am and what I am capable of. I wear Lance Armstrong’s band “Living STRONG”. To me, it not only symbolizes the fight for cancer but also the idea of overcoming life’s obstacles and remaining strong through it all.

“Me and my friend PancakeMan dwelled on this one concept that i want to talk about or type about. I might have changed it to fit what was on my mind but it is about finding that “significant other”. To have reached the state of true love or real love, one must reach compatibility in these 4 parts of a person: the mind, body, heart and soul. A couple must entice each others Minds with conversation and with communication. This is part of what keeps a relationship fresh. A couple who is able to please each others Bodies with the most intense and best feelings is part of a good relationship as well. In most cases, sex is the best when the couple Loves each other. Love makes sex turn into lovemaking. …. That is my opinion at least. Third is the Heart. Love comes from the Heart. So if you would do anything for that person and your heart races when you see that person, then that is love from the heart. You Love him or her. The last thing is the Soul. This is when you are willing to accept this person for his or her imperfections and when you are willing to work it out. You are willing to work and put in the effort to stay with this person because you know that they complete you in the other three ways. M(mind), B(body), H(heart), & S(soul). To complete each other on these 4 levels is real, everlasting love. Or something like that. I haven’t found it yet so i don’t know. Just a theory. Long-term married couples share your opinions”

Yes, I had a friend who called himself the Pancake Man. So anyway, here I am 21 and writing about what makes love true love. Lol. I still believe in the 4 aspects of compatibility. Physical attraction is where it starts with some people. We have developed into a vain society but it’s the truth. We meet someone attractive and then we see if we are compatible. There are those rare cases where we learn to truly love what was once a friend. There is no specific place where it starts but this is my opinion in 2012 (subject to change :)). On the Mind – we find common interests and establish a rapport in conversating about these topics. To quench each other’s minds you must have basic life conversations and the ability to listen intently. Truly listening is very important. Some individuals are not frank in sending out their message so you must also pay attention to subtle clues on what they want to communicate. Communication is key. You shouldn’t have too much in common as this can lead to a boring relationship. Body – sex, kisses, hugs, and any physical contact are ways to show how one feels for the other. This can easily be mistaken for lust and obsession. This is where some relationships become faulty. Sex is a pleasure sought by many men and women not looking for love. It can be hard to distinguish sex for the sake of displaying your affection (as well as pleasure) versus sex solely for pleasure. My opinion is that any kind of physical affection is important. Heart – The heart is the emotional vehicle behind a relationship. Your emotions after getting to know that person is what can be the determinant in deciding if you find love. What would you do for that person? How important is it to you that you make it work? In any serious relationship, you must sacrifice. Are you emotionally ready to make certain sacrifices to be with this person? Etc. Soul – Another abstract concept. You ever hear someone say something like, “I love your mind, body and soul”? Well, that’s the soul. Lol. The soul is a deep feeling of kinship. It is an unconditional friend. You can share thoughts, opinions, and feelings. This is why most people use the term “soul mate”. These are my 2012 opinions although each aspect can be discussed more extensively. I mean people write books on the subject of love. I’m writing one long paragraph, lol.

“Loyalty & Trust…….”friendships are required at a price” – Machiavelli   

“….. My mother raised me to be careful with who i hang out with, therefore it was always hard for me to trust people or associates. Now i thank God that he has blessed me with the right friends. Those that will be loyal to me and never abandon me for frivolous problems or situations, those that confide in me and me in them, those that will always be there for me no matter what, those are my true friends. Most people are wicked, they will break their word at every opportunity for their own utility. I have few friends. Few real friends. Be careful about who you pick as a friend. Betrayal is one of the worst feelings. I have felt this growing up. Now i have tryed to wisen up and be cautious with those i speak to or confide in. Some people are easily influenced by people and think that they have lots of so called “friends”. I’d rather have few true friends than deal with the possibility that i might have backstabbers and fakes in my camp. The quote in the beginning by Machiavelli is how i feel about obtaining a real friend. Favors will be required on both sides. You got to have each others backs”

At 21, I recognized that most individuals have hidden agendas. At 29, it is even more so than I anticipated. Friendship has become a selfish need. We want someone to go out with, talk to, cry with, or keep company. Are we willing to reciprocate for the other end? I can honestly say that I have some friends that I just see when I need company. Those I call associates. I don’t take the term “friend” lightly. It involves trust and that’s where it gets shakey. Some “friends” play the part in order to get what they want. This is mostly the case when you have friends of the opposite sex. So yeah, I think I have well under 200 Facebook “friends”. Maybe just half of those are true friends and most are really good associates.

“…he should proceed in a temperate mode with prudence and humanity so that too much confidence does not make him incautious and too much diffidence does not render him intolerable.” – The Prince by Machiavelli….

“Confident that i will succeed after the Army, confident that i will find the love of my life who will be compatible to me in those four states of self that i talked about earlier, confident that i am a good man because i constantly look to better myself, confident because i speak how i feel and tell it as it is regardless of the consequences or reactions, confident because i am me and no one can take that away from me”

It’s great to be confident but being overly confident can be viewed as being an asshole. Lol. Like everything else in life, you must keep a balance. I notice back then I quoted Machiavelli a few times. The Prince is one of my favorite books. In it, the author discusses certain virtues one must have in order to be a balanced prince or political leader. You can take alot from it when it comes to living your own life and being a better person.

I identify myself as a good man because I realize my worth. I’m a good man because I know that I will always strive to be a better person in every aspect (father, brother, friend, etc.). I am not perfect as I make mistakes as much as the next person. Once again, it’s all about learning from them. This is what makes a person humble. The fact that I can address all these topics and my opinions to the world shows that I have nothing to hide and am not afraid to express myself.

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In order to help me let things flow again, my next few muses will be excerpts from my old muses. It’s good to reflect back, see how you thought and check if anything has changed since.



“First and foremost, I am not a perfect man. We as human beings make mistakes
and learn from them. This is suppose to make us better people. This is what
makes us wiser people. Learning from your mistakes, whether its
love (relationships), career moves, daily life decisions, etc; this is part
of what I will talk about”.

This was my first entry of my muse in which I would e-mail to friends, family, associates, and those interested. The first thing I notice is how my sentences and thoughts were so sporadic. It’s like I have so much to say and yet I would only give you bits and pieces. This muse was relatively short. It’s also interesting how I acknowledge my imperfections. Even now, I understand I’m not perfect. We live in this world to try to be the best we can be. A continuous effort to better ourselves is ongoing and constant. There are still issues, problems, and situations to learn from. For if we do not learn, we become weak and unable to face the realities of our journey.

“Love will always be part of every entry because who in this world doesn’t want to be
loved? Love will always be part of my entries”.

Let’s not deny that the majority of people in this world seek true love. Some don’t necessarily wish for a fairy tale, but just to love one that loves you back unconditionally. This is a want and in some cases a need. Some will even make it their ultimate goal in life (marriage, children, everlasting happiness). Whether this is attainable, is in the eyes of the beholder. Statistics tell us that love is not an easy thing to attain. High divorce rates and complexities of changing personalities challenge the finding of true love. One person once told me, “marriage is work, you have to constantly work on it”. It sounds harsh but maybe it’s true. People change. You have to be willing to understand and adapt to each other’s changes. Understanding, listening, and truly paying attention is key. That’s my opinion at least.

“Right now, ETS (getting out the army) is on my mind. 2 1/2 months for me. I
learned a lot from this and met some good people but I think it is time to
go. This isn’t for me”.

Ok, this is a good one. Since I joined the Army, I knew it wasn’t for me. In the beginning I was young and therefore angry that I made the decision to join. Then I decided to make the best out of it. I served my country and did the tasks I was asked to perform. Yes, maybe I was disgruntled here and there, but at the end of the day, it was another learning experience. Whatever you go through in life – work, relationship, hobbies – you must learn from each and every experience. After all was said and done, I was proud to have served. I met some great people and some are friends to this day. And even though I know the Army is not for me, I respect those that continue to serve and protect our country.

“People tell me one thing and don’t keep to their word. I mean I have broken my word before but these people are really fronting. Person A says he feels a certain way about Person B and I tell Person B because I care for that person but Person B doesn’t care what I say and Person A is acting like he didn’t say anything. Anyway, basically, it is hard to trust nowadays. You can never automatically consider anyone a friend. Get to know them first, see if they are there through thick n thin and then determine. I will always be there for those I love”.

I have no idea what situation I was talking about now. All I know is that I’ve always had trust issues. Why not? Trust is such a rare virtue. Honest is such a rare virtue. I consider a friend someone who is honest with you, someone who has proven to you that they can be trusted in one way or another. A friend will not tell you what you want to hear but will tell you the truth. They will be there through thick and thin. This still remains true with me today. This is why I am very selective with who I call a “friend”.

It’s interesting to look at this muse from 2004 when I was only 20 years old. Minus the books I’ve read, I had no college education and the only life experience I had was growing up in Paterson and my 3 years in the military. Sometimes it’s good to look back and see how some of your main ideals are kept while others have changed.

Love, Peace and Empanada Grease,

PabLito  aka “Lito”, “Bubsy”, “B Star”, “The Man With The Master Plan”

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