Still Searching For The Truth

SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH – September 6, 2005

Here were my thoughts back then (in italics):

“…i want to be remembered by many for being someone that has always been honest. Honest is something that this world lacks. I’ve met many people and came across many people for whom i have developed a love for or even good feelings for. The first quality that i project is my honesty and if I’m fond of you as a friend or otherwise, i expect it in return. Honesty and trust go hand in hand. It seems that most of the people i come across aren’t ‘real’. I mean, this world is filled with deceit and lies so it makes sense that most people think that they can get away with it – and most do. Either way, the truth will eventually come to light. I can trust someone to be honest with me, but once they break that trust, they betray me and once they betray me, they lose my respect and my friendship. Why lie and play games? It’s not worth it. Life is too short and i don’t have time or even want to deal with bullshit anymore”

 I trust very few people. Trust is something that is earned. The world still is and will always be full of deceit. As far as honesty, I still try to be as honest as possible. Now, I have learned that there is also much gray area. Sometimes you must bend the truth a bit. Or sometimes the truth can sting a little too much and you can lose an ally or a person you care about. It still needs to be conveyed in its purest form but it may need to be watered down a bit or given in portions. I’ve been single for over a year and there too many games and lies being played when it comes to getting to know a possible interest. I don’t have time for it. Thus, I remain a bachelor.  😉

“Words of Wisdom…
To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be
the world”

I can’t recall who this originally came from but it’s a great quote. Truth!

“One thing that i have learned from a book I’m reading(The Millionaire Mind), is that somethings in life you have to be committed to. You can’t just say and/or partially take action. Commit, committed, commitment are the key words. For example, one always says, “damn, i want to be rich” or “I’m gonna be rich” but if you are committed, then you have more of a chance of being rich then by just wanting or having the passion to be so. Another example is if someone loves you and they say, I’m always gonna be with you. You actually have to be committed to loving this person and if you say you want to be with them and only them, you have to be committed to it and learn to be loyal to and deal with one person your whole life. Commitment. Commit to things, don’t just have the passion or thought of doing it. You have to commit. I’m committed to making a lot of money within 5 years, I’m committed to being a great father, son, brother, friend, lover, maybe boyfriend, maybe just maybe husband”

This is why I love doing these Retro Muses where I look back at what I wrote and compare it to my current perspective. When I wrote this, I was NOT married and I did NOT even meet my ex-wife. Odd. When two people marry, yes, you should be committed to that relationship. The vows do state “til death do us part, in sickness or in health” etc. I advise everyone to take the idea of matrimony serious before you decide to make this choice. Do not rely on butterflies in your stomach or the fresh phase of beginning love. Marriage is a serious and sacred vow. I have no plans on re-marrying anytime soon but this past year and a half I have had a certain person(s) catch my attention. Let’s see what the future holds. As far as everything else? Commitment is a word that separates the protagonist from the antagonists. Commitment separates the ones that are successful from the ones that settle. You have words, you have feelings, and then you should have actions. Formulate a plan. Anything is possible. Be committed. And as an individual, always be committed to being a better you.

“People chose to connect to a person for different reasons. By connect, i can mean a lot things, like connect to have sex, connect to have a friend, or a girlfriend/boyfriend, lover, etc. Some people connect because it just happens, some connect because they are lonely and need attention, others connect for curiosity. Either way, i believe that in order for the connection to be real love, you must connect on a few levels”

This is where I go on about my 4 levels of compatibility. I still believe in them but I’ve altered my feelings a bit within each. I will not talk about them in-depth in this post but in order to find something true, you must be compatible physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But as they say, in this journey, you have people who come into your life for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime.

“My mind is clouded with thoughts that are far from any realistic reach. Included in these thoughts are what some may call dreams, other thoughts can be what some call nightmares. Dreams of the perfect woman, all the money in
the world and to be drama free; nightmares (which are actually can actually be realistic) are revenge and payback, pain and hurt all over again. All together, my mind is much clearer since March 14th. The day that my Julian
was born. Now i remain a struggling man looking to figure other things about my life out while at the same time, enjoying and not putting too much emphasis on dissecting this road called life. Why? This is the question of questions. Damn, i hate having questions and no answers”

I still question everything in life but now I am a bit more patient in finding answers. We all have problems and struggles. It’s a matter of having resiliency and moving forward. Perfect timing of this post. My son Julian turns 8 today, March 14th. He is such a smart young man. He is kind and mature as he shows great patience. Like me, he questions everything. I love him so much and look forward to guiding him as his father.

“It’s like my mind is a balance beam. Balancing the anger and pain with the love. Very fortunately, the love is out-weighing the other side. And i owe it all to my family to include my wonderful mini-me, Julian”

We all go through phases of anger and pain although some more than others. There is ALWAYS something positive to think about. Count your blessings.

Signing out…

Lito Alva aka B Star aka Tio Bubsy aka The Man With The Master Plan